What Values Should I Look for in a Partner?

21 Jul

What values should we look out for that can help establish a long-lasting, happy, and committed relationship?

Couple exercising together. Man and woman in sports wear doing workout at home with their partner to achieve their core values

As a matchmaker, I am often approached by individuals that have a laundry list of attributes that describe their ideal partner. From general traits (attractive, smart, professional), to specific skills and interests (good cook, loves to ski, likes to travel). My job is focused on helping my clients draw out their core values and look at what is important when it comes to long-term compatibility.

So what qualities should we look out for that can help establish a long-lasting, happy, and committed relationship?

Aligned core values

Values are the things we consider important in life, our heart’s deepest desires for the way we want to interact with the world, other people, and ourselves. They guide our behavior by forming the conscious and unconscious foundation for our decision making and also form the foundations of a compatible relationship. Your partner should live and breathe life in a similar way to you and have similar aspirations for the future. This does not mean they need to share all the same interests – two people can have shared values that manifest in different ways. For example, you both may value healthy living. For you, this could manifest through yoga, for your partner this value could manifest through playing tennis.


The ideal partner can both understand and empathize with their other half. When two people in a relationship understand each other, they become aware of the similarities that exist between them and also recognize and appreciate the differences. When both partners are capable of communicating with feeling and with respect for the other person’s attitudes and values, each partner feels understood and validated. Developing our ability to be empathic helps us understand and tune in to our partner’s needs.


Look for someone open, approachable, receptive to feedback, and willing to be vulnerable. Their openness enables them to be straightforward in expressing their thoughts, feelings, and desires. This allows you to truly know them which will increase trust and intimacy in your relationship. It also indicates their interest in personal development and that often contributes to the development of the relationship.


Conscientious people tend to bring that trait into their relationships. They are more dependable, trustworthy, and organized. These may not sound like the most exciting traits but we often find that less conscientious people are more difficult to deal with in a relationship. They cancel plans, fail to fulfill their obligations, act carelessly, and fall through on their promises.

Sense of Humor

A sense of humor can be a lifesaver in a relationship. It is one of life’s greatest joys to be able to laugh with someone close to us. Finding a partner who can laugh at themself and take whatever life throws at them in stride, is invaluable. It also allows you both to maintain healthy perspectives when dealing with issues and defusing potentially volatile situations.

The reasons we fall in love aren’t always clear, but the reasons we stay in love are far less elusive. There is no such thing as the perfect partner, and while we each look for a specific set of qualities that are unique to us alone, finding someone who has developed themselves in ways that go beyond the surface will make the relationship not only stronger and more fulfilling, but also far less likely to fall apart when faced with adversity.

If you would like guidance in what you should be looking for in a partner, get in touch with Maclynn International today!

by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida Maclynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation.More by this author

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