There have always been discussions and debates revolving around gender roles. Although we’ve come a very long way in terms of gender equality, certain facets regarding gender roles are still impactful when it comes to dating and relationships. One that I’m most interested in is The Female Breadwinner.
My career as an elite international matchmaker in the USA’s biggest cities, such as NYC and Los Angeles, has allowed me to work with some of the most successful people in the world—both male and female. Research around the topic of female breadwinners is astute and diverse, but how does it affect some of the most affluent members of society?
What Is the Breadwinner Model?
The breadwinner model describes a family structure where one person earns the income, while the other handles household duties and childcare.
The model has largely shaped Western culture post-industrialisation and has typically established the man as the financial provider and the woman as the homemaker in heterosexual relationships and marriages.
Over time, shifts in societal norms, economic demands, and increased advocacy for gender equality have gradually transformed this traditional setup. Today, the breadwinner model is evolving, challenging longstanding gender roles and sparking interest and studies into how marriages are changing in modern society.
What Does the Research Say?
The Quarterly Journal of Economics published a study that found that long-established gender norms “induce an aversion” to women as breadwinners. However, according to Pew Research Center in 2023, 16% of American heterosexual marriages have the wife as the sole or primary breadwinner. This number has been gradually increasing over time—having been only 5% in 1972.
Has Opinion on the Topic Changed?
Seems like progress, right? Unfortunately, the idea, among young men, that men should be the breadwinner in a relationship was shown to have actually risen since 1994. And more recent research shows that almost half of Americans (48%) say that “most men who are married to a woman would prefer that they earn more than their wife.”
Of course, the strides in women’s rights have been substantial in the last few decades, however, it’s quite obvious that there is still an omnipresent assumption that men should go to work while women remain at home. A separate survey conducted by the Pew Research Center discovered that 71% of adults think that in order for a man to be considered a good partner, he must be able to financially support his family. Only 32% had the same opinion of women.
This suggests that men may attempt to remain the sole financial provider even if it doesn’t make financial sense. For example, if childcare becomes too expensive and one parent is needed to stop working to care for the children, the husband may be less inclined to offer to become a stay-at-home dad even if his wife makes more money than he does—solely based on the stigma and expectations of gender roles in a family.
Why Do Some Think This Way?
Why does this happen? The American Psychological Association conducted a study that found that in general, heterosexual men feel their confidence is threatened if their partner performs better than them. Women, on the other hand, have no issue with this.
These feelings might have a correlation with relationship difficulties. Research conducted by the National Bureau of Economic Research discovered that marriages that had a female as the breadwinner were ‘less satisfying’ and more likely to get divorced. Income disparities can also cause a strain through long-term, and even everyday, spending decisions. What are our plans for our pensions and retirements? Who’s paying the electric bill this month? Who’s paying for gas today?
How Does This Resonate at Maclynn?
At Maclynn, we believe relationship success is driven by values and equity. However, while this success means that each partner should contribute equally, there are different ‘currencies’ at play. Counting money, but not mental load, doesn’t make sense. Being there for your partner physically, emotionally, and domestically is just as vital in maintaining a happy and healthy relationship as financial contributions. We also don’t believe that these ‘currencies’ are gender specific, however, it is crucial that there is compatibility and alignment amongst both parties and their views around how equity is measured.
This topic also resonates with us when we work with clients to find their ideal match. Ultimately, we strive to match our clients for long-term relationships. The reality is that no one knows for certain what they will be earning in 3 years, not to mention in 10, 20, or 30 years. This means that trying to match based on earnings is almost impossible; rather, our matchmakers encourage open-mindedness and match based on mindset around money as well as the desire to be a collaborative team.
Tips for a Successful Marriage Involving Female Breadwinners
1. Communication is key: In any relationship, it’s important to tackle issues straight away rather than letting them fester under the surface and eventually explode. A successful partnership should be communicative around the topic of money, with both sides sharing their feelings openly and honestly. Both of you must work to see the other’s point of view and communicate clearly to become a stronger, united front.
2. Avoid isolating earnings: Remember that you are in a partnership. Rather than considering your earnings separately, avoid nitpicking—which can simply lead to unhappiness—and focus on building your net worth and life together as a team. This will ultimately pay dividends and result in a stronger financial standing for the relationship.
3. Create shared goals: In the spirit of partnership and unity, take some time together to create shared goals which resonate with both you and your partner. This could be around earnings, spending habits, or saving. Regularly review these goals to make sure they still reflect both of your priorities and are genuinely attainable for you as a partnership.
4. Discuss separate spending: Once you are married to your partner, your finances are legally connected. If you want to keep some spending separate, it’s important to work out and agree on how this will look, together. Both sides should feel comfortable with how you conduct your finances once you’re married.
Dating and Relationship Support from Maclynn’s Experts
Here at Maclynn, we understand the struggles of being a strong, independent, successful female—especially in the world of dating and relationships. Whether you’re searching for love that fits in with your professional ambitions or seek tailored relationship support, our psychology-led dating and relationship services can help.
We have a team of relationship experts and matchmakers based in NYC, Los Angeles, and New Jersey, who work with accomplished, exceptional professionals to transform their dating and relationship experiences.
Get in touch today—all of our members have one thing in common, they all are looking for true love.
