How to Make Long-Distance Relationships Work

26 Jun

As an International Matchmaker, I am always connecting people that are geographically separated. For these relationships to thrive, both parties need to have a positive and mature mindset as well as commitment to put in the effort.

Afro american male on the digital tablet conference call. Young woman on the other side. Sitting in coffe shop with cup of coffee for their long-distance relationship

A large part of my role as one of Maclynn International’s matchmakers and relationship experts is connecting people that are geographically separated. This can be in a different city, state, or even a different country. It is helpful that I have been in a long-distance relationship myself and understand its complexities. For these long-distance relationships to thrive, both parties need to have a positive and mature mindset as well as an understanding that long-distance relationships can be successful if you’re willing to put in the effort.

Don’t be flaky
Communication is key, especially in the early stages of your romance. It’s important to stick to the plans that you’ve made, after all, you are both making a sacrifice to continue to see each other and are investing your time and feelings to seeing where it goes, so a mutual appreciation of each other’s time is key. If this type of long-distance relationship is new for you, it may be that the flaky culture of online dating still hangs over you and it’s important to understand that last-minute cancellations can be even more frustrating, unless of course unavoidable when you are traveling some distance to meet up with your new partner.

Manage your expectations
When it feels like things are getting serious it’s important to clarify if you are exclusive and have the ‘talk’. This also helps alleviate any unnecessary worries that one of you is more committed to making the relationship work than the other. By now you have probably developed a good communication pattern and speak regularly. This is really important so your relationship, and trust start to grow and create a strong foundation for the relationship to flourish. It may also be the time when you can drop your barriers somewhat and connect more openly with your partner rather than trying to impress (as that will without a doubt come back to haunt you later if you are not upfront about who you are and what you want). Being confident enough to share your life aspirations and future goals with your new partner is an exciting and integral stage of building trust. If they are the right person you can be sure it will be well received.

Tell them how you feel
Sharing your feelings is probably even more important in a long-distance relationship than a regular one because you are not seeing that person regularly enough to pick up on their mood or expressions. If they are being super productive at work and are excited to share their successes, but you are making yourself too busy, or perhaps they are struggling with something and could do with some kind words.

Sharing the good news, and also the bad, is again what helps a relationship grow. It can be tempting to hide the terrible day you’ve had and put on a brave front as to not worry the other person, your partner may misread your mood and interpret it as something they did wrong. Don’t let it escalate by not being open about how you feel, happy, or sad.

Make time for intimacy
Part of a flourishing relationship is being intimate but if you are hundreds or thousands of miles away, this can obviously be difficult. Intimacy can be watching the same film together at the same time or sharing your favorite music. Sending flirty and sexy texts to let the other person know you are thinking about them can be super arousing and an acknowledgment of what that person means to you, and how amazing they make you feel. However, never do anything you are not comfortable with especially if you are doing it because you think the other person expects or ‘needs’ it. This is a recipe for disaster, as what can start out as some harmless fun can end up with one of you feeling exposed and unsure if you are actually on the same page.

Don’t let disagreements linger
Inevitably at some point, you are going to disagree on something. How you manage this is important if you want the relationship to continue to flourish. If it gets heated take some time to cool off before reaching out again to apologize, even if you feel it’s more the other person’s fault. When you can’t see or be with the other person, arguments can become way more emotional and bigger than they need to be. Try and stay assertive and find a resolution, if on reflection it’s really not something important to fall out about, be forgiving, and let it go.

Overall, being open, honest, and communicating effectively with each other will ensure your love can develop and grow until you decide you want to take it to that next stage and close the gap. You are so lucky to have found each other, make the time you do get to spend together, or apart, always count.

As experts in the field, we’re here to help hopeful romantics anyway we can. Get in touch with someone from our team to learn how we can best assist you in the search for ‘’the one,’’ whether through our matchmaking services or our date coaching.

by Gina Yannotta

Chief Operating Officer, New York City.

Gina Yannotta is Head Matchmaker & Chief Operating Officer at Maclynn International's New York office. Gina’s unyielding passion for the field, in combination with her extensive experience in matchmaking, has allowed her to orchestrate successful and everlasting relationships amongst her clients. Tasked with running the Manhattan office, Gina utilizes her interpersonal skills and relationship expertise to make a splash in the matchmaking pool, personally connecting her clients with their ultimate match while simultaneously taking advantage of the endless possibilities that NYC offers to its client-base.More by this author