Asking for relationship advice, whether it’s from a friend, family member or professional can sometimes be a little tricky. What leads us to ask for relationship advice? What answers are we looking for? Are there problems in the relationship? Do we need advice on a new relationship? Or is it a case of wanting to know what others think of our current relationship and if changes are required?
Regardless of the reasons we ask for this advice, it can be hard to pinpoint the answers we’re looking for when we don’t even know ourselves. At Maclynn International, one of the initial key talking points we address during the interview stage is what you want from a relationship. Identifying core values, shared principles, and your long-term aims are important to identify so that we can match you with people who share the same values and relationship goals.
This article is aimed at both people currently in a relationship and those who are looking for advice going into a new relationship.
1. Be together for the right reasons
We can often feel pressured to remain with someone because they are “nice”, but deep down, you know you don’t see a future with them. Diving into a relationship from outside pressures is definitely not the best foundation for a strong and lasting relationship. The pressures of religion, family expectations, society and the fear of being alone are all common reasons people feel pressured into staying with someone who they may not feel strongly about.
You have to remember that you should want to be with your partner and you should be able to picture a future. It may not be as extreme as marriage or having children (especially in the early stages) but it’s important that your relationship has purpose and direction.
2. Don’t be afraid to talk about your relationship with your partner
Sitting down to talk properly about your relationship is incredibly important. Covering things that are working and you’re both grateful for is just as important as raising difficult subjects that may sometimes end up being swept under the carpet. Setting aside some quality time to talk through how you’re both feeling and the direction of your relationship places you on the same page and allows you to talk openly about your goals and the future of your relationship.
3. Handling conflict – the good way and the bad way
While we try to avoid confrontation for the most part, sometimes arguments are difficult to avoid but they aren’t all bad. Every couple has disagreements, and bringing these to light in a productive way can actually be beneficial to finding solutions to these problems. If you try to make it clear why you’re upset and explain what’s made you feel this way, it can make a huge difference and become a stepping stone to fixing the issue.
For example, sending a text saying “why are you late again? What’s your excuse this time?” doesn’t highlight how you’re actually feeling and can therefore be interpreted in a number of ways (typically anger). However, rewording the text to highlight how your partner being late makes you feel can make a huge difference: “why are you late again? It makes me so upset whenever you’re late because I feel like I’m not important to you”. By addressing the way your partner makes you feel, it opens dialogue on how you can work together to find a solution.
4. Show how you feel, don’t just say
Anyone can say “I love you”, but love is a verb, a ‘doing word’ and it requires more than just verbalization.
I’m not saying you need to go to a fun fair and win your partner the biggest heart-shaped teddy bear, but simple acts of devotion and care such as holding hands, kissing, cooking dinner, or simply expressing them how much you care about them on a daily basis goes a long way.
As ‘The Happy Couple’ author Dr Barton Goldsmith states: “the act of showing matters, because we don’t say those three little words as often as we should […] a random act of kindness doesn’t take much, but it can make a big difference”. The same principles apply to long distance relationship advice; while physical interactions may be somewhat limited due to the distance, reassurance and acts of kindness go a long way in maintaining the relationship.
5. Ensure you still hold the same core values
Having different viewpoints or directions in a relationship can be dangerous. Ensuring you are both on the same page regarding your core values is the core foundation to developing your relationship. “Although other differences can be accommodated and tolerated, a difference in values is particularly problematic if the goal is long-lasting love” says associate professor of psychology and human development Kelly Campbell.
While a difference in opinion over what food, movies or music is tolerable, juxtaposing values for long-term love and even marriage could present problems further down the line.
6. Spend some time away from each other and recharge
I’m sure we’re all guilty of living on top of our partners at some point during a relationship and while it’s important to be comfortable in each other’s company, it’s just as important to take some time apart when needed. This space gives you some time to reflect on other areas of your life, such as self-improvement, catching up with friends and family, and allowing yourself to ‘miss’ your partner.
If you aren’t able to survive away from your partner for an extended period of time, it may eventually become damaging to your relationship. Healthy relationships require each person to remain happy and by not depending on the other, so when you do return to your partner, you will be recharged and eager to catch up with them.
7. Don’t be afraid to consult your nearest and dearest!
While online relationship advice can be a great way to help research and assess your relationship or potential relationship, speaking with friends and family may give you a much-needed second opinion and perspective. They may have had their own fair share of good and bad relationship experiences and may be willing to share some great relationship advice.
Your close friends and family are the ones who know you best, even more so than your partner. So don’t be afraid to ask their opinion because they may provide some alternative and even inspirational relationship advice.
What are the most important things in a relationship?
I could sit here and list several important factors of what makes up a healthy relationship, but essentially, if you both share the same core values and you’re prepared to talk openly about the future of your relationship, you have all the necessary ingredients for a strong and healthy relationship. And, these same values and principles remain the same regarding relationship advice for women and relationship advice for men.
Meet people the right way with a personalized introduction from Maclynn International
At Maclynn International, we help you start relationships the right way. Our experienced team of professional matchmakers take the time to identify your core values and future relationship aspirations to partner you with exceptional people. During your personal interview with your selected matchmaker, we will discuss your and of course offer our own accredited relationship advice.
You can inquire more about our private membership by clicking the Inquiry tab above, or contact us via phone or email today for more information.
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