“We come up with all of these constructs of what we must have and what our heart actually needs is often much more simple than we ever give it credit for”- Matthew Hussey


What does your heart want? Taking the time to reflect on your dating experiences and journey thus far will give you insight on how to find the right person. It is important to know yourself first. What has shaped you into the lovely person you are today? Understanding who you are and where are you at in the dating process is beneficial before beginning to date effectively. After giving some time to reflect and kind of understand better who you are, and where you are at, it’s then time to give some thought on what you want out of a relationship.

Having a plan is essential before beginning to date in an effective way. Take the time to think about what you want, and what you do not want, and write this down.

In order to find the right person to date, or date effectively, we must understand that quality is the focus- not quantity. Before we understand who the right person is, we must first understand ourselves.

What are your values? What vision do you have for your future relationship?

Set Dating Rules for Yourself

While it’s important to keep expectations in dating realistic, we must know what we want out of a relationship. We all know that dating can take up a significant amount of time. It is important to use that time wisely and focus on meeting individuals who share the same relationship goal. This is a part of “dating effectively”.

For example: If you are using an online dating app and looking for a serious relationship, it is probably a good idea to filter out individuals who have placed “Don’t know yet” on their profile. Set your bar and be honest with what you are looking for.

You can even create a swipe strategy. If high quality matches are your goal, it is probably not the best strategy to “swipe right” on everyone. There is little benefit to over swiping.

If you are meeting someone in person, or have met someone through a friend, knowing what questions to ask when determining whether they are the right person to date is important. Some questions you can ask in the early stage of dating include:

  1. Where do you see yourself in the next five years? – This open-ended question will give you insight as to what an individual see’s him/herself doing in the future. Do you have a similar vision of the future. Have they dropped hints about their relationship goals? If someone brings up goals associated with long term relationships early on, it is a good sign that they are looking for something serious.
  2. Are you working on any passion projects- This specific open-ended question will open up conversation about their hobbies, passions, and will tell you how they choose to spend their time. Do your interests align? This is a great question to dig deeper into the things you have in common. Of course, having different interests too can open up a new opportunity to plan something exciting, or try something new that you will both enjoy.
  3. Tell me about your closest friends- How would they describe you?

This is a great question to ask on a date should the person bring up a friend.

This simple open-ended question can allow someone to open up about their characteristics and values.

Finding the right person to date begins with dating effectively. Reflecting, and creating a dating plan can be used as a road map to guide your dating journey. Continue to feel hopeful, and approach dating with an open mind, as the right person will come at the right time.

Maclynn is a boutique, multi-award-winning introductions agency with offices in California, New York, New Jersey, and London. We’re world-renowned for bringing together highly compatible singles within our vast network of attractive, intelligent professionals, and our matchmakers are relationship experts in their own right. Get in touch today, and prepare for genuinely meaningful dating—just like you deserve.