How Psychology and Dating Apps Are Helping People Find Love

22 Jun

The once very limited way of meeting potential partners is now overloaded with a sea of dating apps. Technology can help you to narrow down your search, but do you really have the time to use dating apps effectively?

Conceptual shot of a young adult couple kissing via mobile phone on dating apps

You can’t deny that the internet has been a wonderful way to open our social world. The once very limited way of meeting potential partners through friends and work has effectively been thrown out the window. Unfortunately, the ease with which we can meet people through dating apps has paradoxically made the dating scene harder in many ways!

Although it’s exciting that we’re able to connect with such a large pool of people, the larger the pool- the more one might feel lost amongst the millions of other people out there. Technology can help at this point to help narrow down our search, this is where algorithms come in. All the dating apps that you use, will be working from some sort of algorithm to find your matches. Some are based on basic parameters such as your height and hobbies, some are based (and marketed) exclusively around religion or profession. Others of course are simply based on your location. All of these apps have their place and indeed their success rates.

Although these apps certainly have their place and success rates, they might leave you wishing that the algorithm was a bit more selective. Described as “a full-time job” by some of my clients, dating apps require dedicated time, to sift through the endless unsuitable matches, leaving you too exhausted and frustrated to even bother chatting with someone of interest.  This is where matchmaking comes in. Although not a new industry by any means, matchmaking is becoming more popular as people become increasingly frustrated with the number of hours of work required to use online dating apps. Matchmaking takes the burden of narrowing down and screening off of your shoulders, while still matching you on important compatibility factors.

While apps may use algorithms to match based on basic attributes such as career, we match based on the values that are expressed through those attributes. For example, instead of solely asking what our clients do for a living, we ask more in-depth questions such as ‘what inspired you to go into this line of work?’ and ‘what about your career are you most passionate about?’

Matching someone based on shared hobbies is also a great start but doesn’t necessarily equate to long term compatibility. For example, just because you both ski doesn’t mean you’re a good match or that someone who has never skied a day in their life isn’t your future spouse. The important thing we find out is the reason behind your love for that hobby. Do you like to ski because it reminds you of your childhood and being family-oriented? Or are you an adrenaline-junkie and need to feel the wind on your face. Whatever the reason,  matchmaking can help draw out certain conversations about values that just can’t be captured from an online profile. Developing a deep understanding of what drives and motivates someone and then matching on that basis, is how we find success in creating long-lasting relationships.

So, do you need to delete all your dating apps immediately? Of course not! If you enjoy using them and have no problem investing your time in swiping and sending messages, there is nothing wrong with using apps to date.  On the contrary, if you feel like you are wasting your time on apps or would like to invest that time in a different area of your life, contact us today and let us do the hard work for you!

by Rachel Vida Maclynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida Maclynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation.More by this author

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