Emotional Intelligence Matters in Romantic Relationships

30 Mar

Being attractive, engaging, confident and funny can help us land the relationship opportunity, but unless we’re tuned into Emotional Intelligence it likely won’t stay the distance.

emotional intelligence

In the corporate world, exceptional IQ will get you the job, but it’s EQ or Emotional Intelligence that will keep you in the job and lead to promotion and success. Why is this so? Because engaging emotional intelligence is the capacity to identify and perceive in yourself and others what is going on, and then express or show understanding before taking action. If we can get that this makes sense in a workplace setting, how about in our romantic relationships?

Being attractive, engaging, confident, funny, and intellectual can help us land the relationship opportunity, but unless we’re tuned into Emotional Intelligence it likely won’t stay the distance. Not only do we want the honeymoon period of the first flush of romance and physical attraction to last, but a serious relationship also needs to be able to tackle the more challenging relationship transactions. As you get to know each other, leaning in to really listen, asking questions, and giving someone space to speak, and think will help us to avoid the deal-breaker, assumption.

Being vulnerable is the place to anchor our truth. This does not mean being weak, but having the courage to be exposed to telling your full truth and hearing it. It’s not about perfection or creating the version of ourselves that we think will make the other person love us more. Eventually, you will tire of keeping up the façade of perfection. Empathy allows you to put yourself fully in your partner’s shoes and try to think and feel what they might be experiencing.

Our top tips on engaging Emotional Intelligence in a Romantic Relationship are:

  1. Listen and encourage your partner to tell you everything about the topic, don’t interrupt. Ask “what else? And is there anything else you want to tell me about this?”
  2. Tune in to how your partner is feeling and be aware of when you notice that their positive energy level doesn’t feel right.
  3. Don’t assume or presume with sweeping statements when you don’t have all the facts.
  4. Create a non-judgmental space for your partner to speak rather than react or jump to solutions.
  5. Acknowledge when you haven’t read a situation or experience correctly and ask your partner what would work better next time.
  6. Don’t replay the past in terms of your own experiences as it imposes the negative on your partner and not the actual current situation however familiar it may sound or feel.
  7. Be truthful with what you’re feeling. If you are employing EQ in your romantic relationship and it’s giving you all the warning bells and consistent examples that this won’t work, listen to your truth don’t ignore it. Physical attraction will not make a committed relationship last.
  8. Emotional Intelligence is an equal playing field. Both parties in a romantic relationship need to employ is consistently to make things work.
  9. Do keep your sense of humor. If you can’t laugh at yourself or each other something isn’t right.

Emotional Intelligence really is the recipe for romantic relationship success. The more you say “I feel this” or “what are you feeling?” and being open to hear and explore the answers, the closer you will get to really understanding each other in all kinds of circumstances and challenges that life throws at us. When that communication flow is in place it will give you room to feel safe, understood, acknowledged, and heard.

If you start out as you mean to go on, employing EQ from the outset, it will become part of the natural rhythm of how you operate as a romantic partnership. Try it and see how much it improves your relationship and how leaning into it wholeheartedly will draw you even closer.

Maclynn International is an elite, multi-award-winning matchmaking consultancy, boasting a vast network of exceptional singles across the globe. We’re still helping our members find love during these tough times, and our expert matchmakers are here for you if you’re ready to take the plunge, so speak to a member of the team today.

by Gina Yannotta

Chief Operating Officer, New York City.

Gina Yannotta is Head Matchmaker & Chief Operating Officer at Maclynn International's New York office. Gina’s unyielding passion for the field, in combination with her extensive experience in matchmaking, has allowed her to orchestrate successful and everlasting relationships amongst her clients. Tasked with running the Manhattan office, Gina utilizes her interpersonal skills and relationship expertise to make a splash in the matchmaking pool, personally connecting her clients with their ultimate match while simultaneously taking advantage of the endless possibilities that NYC offers to its client-base.More by this author