You’ve been dating a few months now, maybe even a year. Together you’ve done every conceivable activity in the book: hikes, road trips, aquarium visits—even a weekend at your potential future in-laws’ beach house. You’ve met each other’s friends and families, and now
The Question is starting to bubble up: Where is this going?
Because—and it hurts you to admit it—you’ve started to wonder whether the jam-packed schedule of fun and adventure is compensating for an absence of something else. There was a spark at first, sure—but now? Are the two of you just going through the motions, trying to reinvigorate something unrevivable? At what point can you really tell the difference between feeling content with how things are and feeling like life has become just plain old humdrum?
When you really boil it down, are you truly right for each other? Are you comfortable or bored?
Ask yourself: Am I genuinely happy with the routine my partner and I have settled into, or am I always looking for ways to inject excitement into our day-to-day lives? If it’s the latter, ask yourself, why? Are you a perpetual adrenaline junkie or is something more concerning afoot?
It’s important to work this out sooner rather than later, both for yourself and your partner. Long-term boredom puts a chokehold on love and can even lead you to resent your partner. What’s more, if you feel stuck or even suffocated, you might start behaving in ways that make you dislike yourself, such as eyeing up strangers or projecting your frustration onto your partner. It may be time to hone in on your feelings if you start daydreaming about being single again.
On the other hand, when you’re comfortable in your relationship, that urgency for change will be absent. It’s normal to want to spice things up once in a while, but that’s a totally different ball game from yearning for other people or worrying you’re missing out on life. When you’re comfortable, the safety, familiarity, and predictability aren’t hindrances—they’re benefits.
When you’re alone, does the idea of seeing your partner again put you on edge, or are you eager to reunite, regardless of your plans? If you’re still living apart (as hopefully you are if you’re having doubts about the relationship), do you look forward to scheduling in some quality time or do you find yourself scrambling for a rain check?
Although it sounds counterintuitive, boredom in a relationship may elicit anxiety, which in turn leads to angst, restlessness, impatience, and dissatisfaction. This can often make you feel like you have to be planning activities all the time and adopt a constant get-up-and-go attitude; this isn’t sustainable. If you’re comfortable in your relationship, you’ll feel utterly at ease both in your partner’s company and when you’re apart. You’ll feel no pressure to be wined and dined. A Netflix marathon under the blanket will do just fine.
That being said, there is a danger of misconstruing comfort with boredom. Especially if you’re new to relationships or have been single for a long time. It’s normal to occasionally feel a little stifled, but you need to take the time to address your feelings in full and discuss them with your partner in a confident and tactful manner—before unintentionally sabotaging what could have otherwise been a beautiful relationship. If you feel the “spark” has been lost, it’s not necessarily time for a breakup. It may just signify your relationship has reached the next stage; the one with less butterflies, and more security. Passion can be reignited, if you’re both open, communicative, and willing to put in the effort to nurture the romance. Just try to avoid jumping to any hasty conclusions. Talk things through– together. And if you need a little extra advice, we can help.
Maclynn International is an elite, multi-award-winning, boutique introductions agency for successful, dynamic, amazing individuals on the lookout for romance. With offices in New York City, California and London, our network spans the world over and ensures that our reach is truly global. Our experts can talk with you one-on-one about your relationship and where you think it’s going. Sometimes, all you need is to bounce your thoughts off a neutral, non-judgmental third party before you’re ready to sit down with your partner and talk about your feelings. So get in touch today, and let’s help you solidify your thoughts, and work out what you truly want.