Commitment-Phobia: The Relationship Nemesis

10 Jun

Do you often wonder if the grass is greener? Or does your partner checklist look like a grocery shopping list? For most people, relationships are fairly straightforward, however for others, they may not be so easy. Here are a few tell-tale signs that you have an issue with commitment.

commitment

For many people, relationships are fairly straightforward. They will have a few hiccups along the way, but generally speaking, they come naturally. For others, however, relationships are not so easy.

As a matchmaker, one key area that I explore with my clients is their relationship history. It is important for me to truly understand what their pitfalls have been and what went wrong in the past. My job isn’t only to set up two compatible people on a date, but it is to support them with any relationship stumbling blocks they may have (sometimes they aren’t aware of themselves) to get them to the end goal of long-lasting love. Let me tell you, and this probably doesn’t come as a surprise, commitment issues are common! It is the true nemesis of relationship bliss. Despite its commonality – it can be fixed!

So how do you know if you have an issue with commitment? Here are some tell-tale signs:

  • You are a control freak. True and authentic love is something you can’t control, and you struggle with letting go.
  • You have major FOMO. Do you often wonder if the grass is greener and whether there is someone better for you out there?
  • Does your partner checklist look like a grocery shopping list? If so, you basically have unrealistic expectations, which is a sign of commitment issues.
  • You’re scared. You’ve been hurt too many times in the past. This is a tough one as the fear of being hurt again takes over, but we mustn’t let the past predict the future.
  • You’re too busy. If this is your regular excuse when asked about your love life, then it is a clear sign that you are a commitment-phobe.
  • You go for the unavailable guys. Do you find you keep on picking the really cute looking ‘bad boys’ who are safe because you secretly know that they aren’t a good long-term partner, or even worse, the married guys, as you know deep down they won’t leave their wives?

The underlying causes are different for each person, but in most cases, the person has experienced or witnessed relationship difficulties in the past. This could mean a history of failed relationships or experiencing complicated family dynamics while growing up. Whatever the cause, the reality for commitment-phobes is that they are scared of these past hurts occurring again, and find it difficult to trust that things will be different in their current relationship.

If any of the above pointers resonate with you, we are here to help. Can a ‘fear of commitment’ relationship evolve into a committed one? YES, ABSOLUTELY.

Whether you struggle with commitment issues yourself or have been on the receiving end of failed relationships due to your partner being a commitment-phobe, my team – including our incredible in-house dating coach, Madeleine Mason-Roantree can support.

Madeleine has over 15 years’ experience helping people work through their relationship issues and can help you develop and grow as a person, understand your own boundaries and triggers, and implement strategies for dealing with those day-to-day anxieties and dating frustrations. Get in touch with us today, we look forward to hearing from you.

by Rachel Vida Maclynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida Maclynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation.More by this author

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