The New York dating scene is truly like no other. Relentlessly fast-paced. Expectations are sky-high. Opportunities stretch out endlessly… at least in theory.

In reality, lots of New York singles describe being overwhelmed by swiping fatigue, ghosting, and a culture-wide mentality that the grass is always greener. In my experience, cities drastically increase dating anxiety precisely because choices are so abundant, leaving hopeful daters paralyzed by indecision.

That’s why I’m now encouraging clients to try the Post-Date Eight, a coaching framework created by behavioral scientist and dating coach Logan Ury, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge.

The Post-Date Eight is designed to help singles slow down, reflect, and tune into their emotions directly after a date. In this way, daters shift their focus from external validation (“Did they like me?”) to internal insight (“How did I feel about them?”). This enables singles, in fact gives them permission even, to prioritize emotional resonance over superficial checklists, making every dating decision far more intentional.

Eight simple questions to ask yourself…

  • What side of me did they bring out?
  • How did my body feel during the date—stiff, relaxed, or somewhere in between?
  • Do I feel more energized or deenergized than I did before the date?
  • Is there something about them I’m curious about?
  • Did they make me laugh?
  • Did I feel heard?
  • Did I feel attractive in their presence?
  • Did I feel captivated, bored, or somewhere in between?

Singles often leave dates wondering whether they were impressive enough, rather than considering whether they felt secure, relaxed, curious. The Post-Date Eight masterfully reframes dating as a process of self-discovery rather than as a performance.

The power of the PD8 in a place like NYC

New York is often perceived as a city of ambition, movement, and unending options, but that plethora of choice comes at a cost, namely choice overload.

You know this feeling well if you’ve ever used a dating app: You’re overwhelmed by the sheer number of potential partners at your fingertips (literally), and as a consequence actually feel more stressed and less satisfied overall with your dating life.

So many New Yorkers juggle intense commutes, packed worked schedules, and bursting social calendars, all of which leaves little time to pause and reflect on where they are in their love lives.

The Post-Date Eight fits seamlessly into this environment because it’s structured, efficient, and repeatable. Singles can evaluate potential matches without overthinking, and in a matter of minutes. I’ve found this resonates immensely with my clients who are already masters at optimizing every other aspect of their lives—career, fitness, socializing. The Post-Date Eight is already proving powerful at optimizing their dating lives on top of everything else but without ever compromising the magic and rush of genuine romantic connection.

‘Trust in your nervous system: It knows when someone feels right for you. It’s only in the noise of modern dating that your instincts get drowned out.’

The numbers are in: Dating in NYC really is as tough as it seems

    • A staggering 50% of New Yorkers are single, that’s the highest in the country
    • The City That Never Sleeps is also the most expensive for dating in the whole of the US, the average cost of a date here is $156
    • And as if that weren’t enough, in 2024 NYC was voted the worst city for dating in America, based on 6 key metrics

Shifting your focus to feelings

Lots of daters default to analyzing cold hard facts, discrete data about the person sitting across the table: education, job title, hobbies. But true compatibility runs so much deeper than this and the Post-Date Eight encourages singles to pay attention to emotional signals from both body and mind during and immediately after a date.

Key emotional cues to look out for:

  • Was I physically tense, or at ease?
  • Did the conversation feel forced, or did it flow naturally?
  • Did we laugh together?
  • Did I feel heard and validated?
  • Did they spark curiosity in me about their life, views, and history?

This shift from intellectual analysis to emotional reflection is helping New York daters build healthier relationships grounded in emotional security rather than surface-level attraction.

‘For daters who are anxiously or avoidantly attached, the Post-Date Eight really is a game changer. It takes the focus off “Did they like me?” and puts it firmly on “Did I like how I feel when I’m around them?” That’s a profound shift.’

Dating more mindfully

Mindfulness is about paying attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment and the Post-Date Eight is mindfulness in action.

Rather than spiraling into overthinking, you step back, observe your emotions, and respond with intention. You practice noticing your feelings in real time, which turns every date into an opportunity to build self-awareness. In turn you’ll find you’re better at staying present during interactions, avoiding rumination, and assessing compatibility.

Consider putting pen to paper and journaling your Post-Date Eight. Patterns emerge faster than you might think and you’ll soon be spotting who truly makes you feel good vs. who simply looks good on paper. Over time this creates a unique “map” of your emotional responses, honing your intuition of what works for you in love and what doesn’t.

Supporting healthier decisions

For many daters, anxiety or attachment style can cloud their judgment. The Post-Date Eight makes it easier to break these negative cycles of people pleasing, overinvestment, and dismissing potential matches prematurely.

By checking in with yourself after every date, you:

  • identify red flags earlier
  • build confidence in your emotional intuition
  • avoid wasting energy on draining connections
  • strengthen your ability to set and maintain boundaries.

Signs you’re dating more mindfully:

  • You feel calmer and more grounded between dates
  • You’re not obsessively checking your phone for replies
  • You articulate your needs earlier and more clearly
  • You say no to second dates without guilt or doubt
  • You feel empowered and less burnt out

How your matchmaker uses the Post-Date Eight

At Maclynn, our matchmakers are now leaning on the Post-Date Eight as one of the many tools in our bespoke coaching process.

After each of your curated introductions, we review your answers together, identifying patterns that reveal attachment dynamic, communication style, and fundamental values. This diagnostic enables us to then refine your introductions moving forward, saving you time and emotional labor while boosting your odds of meeting someone with whom you’re deeply compatible.

‘If a client consistently reports tension or a lack of curiosity in their date, we dig into why. Maybe they’re chasing a “type” that ultimately isn’t serving them. Perhaps they’re trying to date when they’re already emotionally exhausted.’

6 practical tips for making your PD8 work

  • Actually write your answers down: Reflection sticks when you externalize your thoughts (meaning when you release them from your mind to float around as concepts in their own right)
  • Sleep on it: Review your notes the next day for clarity
  • Share with your coach or therapist: Garner objective insights into your dating patterns from a professional
  • Recognize when you’re overanalyzing: The goal is to boost self-awareness, not attain perfection
  • Pair your Post-Date Eight with intentional dating: Combine your new process with curated matchmaking to further reduce burnout and actually date proactively
  • Set a timer: Give yourself no more than 10 minutes to answer the questions—don’t edit, just write whatever comes to mind

Why does the Post-Date Eight resonate so much with New Yorkers?

So many New York singles I speak to feel dating has become unrelentingly transactional: the quick drinks, the app swipes, the instant judgments.

The Post-Date Eight massively decelerates this process, freeing your instincts to shine through. It’s practical, efficient, and scientific, making it ideal for ambitious professionals seeking meaningful relationships. Rather than being swept up by the frenetic pace of NYC, the Post-Date Eight is now giving New Yorkers a chance to breathe—and invest only in those connections that truly matter.

Dating slowed down—in the city that never stops

I get it: Dating in New York City is always going to be intense. It’s a microcosm of the city we love—and we wouldn’t really want it any other way, right?

But intensity doesn’t have to mean burning out. With the Post-Date Eight you can enjoy a structured yet flexible way to check in with yourself, separate nerves from actual intuition, and date with way more intention.

Maclynn’s expert team combines relationship science with expert matchmaking, empowering New Yorkers to date the way they’ve been yearning for, the way they deserve. So if you’re ready to swap swiping fatigue for self-awareness and a meaningful relationship, get in touch today—and let’s navigate the crazy dating scene of NYC together, with clarity, confidence, and purpose.