Post-Breakup Dating: How Do I Know if I’m Ready?

3 min read

When we’re in a relationship we have a vital source of support, intimacy, and companionship. When we lose that we lose a fundamental aspect of our life, and it’s normal for the future to look somewhat bleak in the aftermath. The intensity of the distress is naturally worse if the breakup was acrimonious, or if one partner wanted it while the other wanted to stay together. Refusal to accept what’s happened and move on exacerbates our negative feelings surrounding the breakup, which sadly serves no benefit and only prolongs the emotional rut we find ourselves in. How can you be sure when the time is right for you?

People look for love again after different amounts of time…

Just as every relationship is unique, so the way respond to a breakup is unique, too. Different people express their disorientation through a myriad of emotions: relief, anger, sadness, resentment, guilt, despair. And similarly, we’re all different when it comes to deciding when to start dating again. Depending on our personality, circumstances, and the length and seriousness of the relationship that’s now ended, some can’t wait to get back out there, whereas others take months to get over the pain and feel ready to meet someone new.

Some people feel they need to give it a good few months to reflect on their ex and their previous relationship. For others the breakup may have been precisely what they needed and, with a new lease on life, they’re excited to now find something “real.” They also benefit from hindsight: They know exactly what worked and what didn’t with their ex, and they can now draw on that experience to better tailor their dating to their needs.

For both types of person and everyone in between, rebounding might be just what they need to reacclimatize to meeting new people. Rebounding manifests as either casual sex or casual dating, and either way some new singles find it helps them manage their emotions and distract themselves for a time. However, rebounding can backfire. If we’re not over the breakup, getting into something casual can actually make us feel even more alone when it hits us that this stranger just isn’t our ex. This can be especially true when intimacy is involved. As a matchmaker who works with countless new singles, my advice is steadfast and consistent: Think twice before jumping into bed with someone you’ve just met, especially if you already know it’s only going to be a short-term thing. It might only hurt you more in the long run.

That being said, there are people for whom rebounding is genuinely beneficial. These are individuals who have clear boundaries, both with others and within themselves. They can compartmentalize the types of relationship they have, and some also manage not to hurt the person they’ve got involved with in the short term either, by making it clear from the outset that this is just a bit of fun. Rebounding can therefore be healthy if it gives you the validation you need after an emotionally draining breakup—but of course, you should always be forthright with the person you’re involved with, and be unambiguous about your intentions.

…and there’s no “right” time to make a go of it with someone new

Common wisdom dictates that starting something serious too soon is risky—and generally this does hold true. We need to spend a lot of time with someone before we can know if they’re right for us. However, it’s also true that sometimes we just know; we simply intuit from the beginning that someone is perfect, everything we’ve ever wanted. Again, this instinct can be fortified by having recently gone through a breakup, because the pain of what went wrong is raw, and we’re acutely aware of what we don’t want out of a relationship. Either way, whether you yourself have gone through a breakup or you’ve been single for a while and you’re ready to find love again—we can help.

Maclynn is a boutique, multi-award-winning introductions agency with offices in New Jersey, New York, California, and London. We’re world-renowned for bringing together highly compatible singles within our vast network of attractive, intelligent professionals, and our matchmakers are relationship experts in their own right. Get in touch today, and prepare for genuinely meaningful dating—just like you deserve.

About the Author

Gina Yannotta

Since 2017, Gina has led Maclynn’s commercial function across the USA. Based in New Jersey and tasked with running the NYC & NJ offices for Maclynn, Gina lives and breathes Maclynn with the same enthusiasm as Rachel. Instantly likeable and bursting with enthusiasm, Gina utilizes her interpersonal skills and relationship expertise to orchestrate everlasting relationships amongst the handful of VIP clients she personally matches each year. When she finishes her day of matchmaking and steering the Maclynn ship in the USA, Gina turns her attention to her son and loving husband, Pat.

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