Online dating means meeting an essentially infinite number of people. From every background you can imagine, every lifestyle, persuasion, and worldview.
And with this seemingly endless conveyor belt of dating options, more singles than ever are dating multiple people at once.
As a matchmaker, I interact with so many clients who have tried this in the past. Some advocate for this approach, saying it makes the process more efficient, more exciting, and more useful for finding out what they want in their ultimate life partner. Others oppose this approach, feeling it degrades the magic of romance and negates the process of dating altogether by preventing you from getting to know any one person extremely well.
So today I’m laying out the 3 pros and 3 cons I hear most about dating multiple people at the same time. If you’re considering this approach, or you’re already doing it and wondering whether it’s actually right for you, this blog should help you work out what path to take—even if it’s one you’d not previously considered.
Pro: It keeps things fun
If you’re not looking for anything serious right now, seeing multiple people at once can add some spice and levity to your dating life. What’s more, if you’re someone who tends to catch feelings fast, dating multiple people at the same time may ameliorate that, stopping you from falling too hard or too quickly. Who knows—it might even prevent you from committing prematurely to someone who isn’t right for you.
Con: You risk burning out
Dating multiple people at once might sound fun, but it can soon start to feel like a chore, especially if you’re making a point of meeting as many people as possible. Overloading your dating schedule may have the precise opposite effect to that you’d hoped for, and make you feel like giving up entirely. This apathy will be amplified further if the people themselves aren’t resonating with you. You may end up feeling you’re wasting your own time, getting nothing in return for all the effort you’re expending.
Pro: Dating at your own pace
When you date different people at the same time, it’s easier to tailor dating so it’s on your terms, to take things at a pace comfortable to you. You can allow the dynamic with any given person to develop naturally, but you also have the freedom to slow things down if you feel it’s going too fast, both in terms of physical and emotional intimacy.
Con: You’ll struggle to connect with any one person on a deeper level
Dating multiple people at once may hinder you from finding that one special person with whom you connect on an unparalleled level, in a way you’ve simply never experienced. You’re spreading yourself thin, investing your emotions in a range of people—and if ultimately you’re looking to meet someone to settle down with, this approach be counterproductive.
Pro: Expanding your dating network
Seeing different people at once opens you up to further dating prospects because it habituates the ritual of going out, being social, and displaying your best self in uncertain situations. Dating is a numbers game, so seeing multiple people at once in a relatively short time can expedite the process of finding the one person you can see yourself settling down with.
Con: You may turn off potential partners
Some people consider it a red flag when they discover the person they’re seeing has been dating other people. This revelation can cause a lot of hurt and resentment, especially if you’ve not been transparent from the start about the fact you’ve been dating multiple people. And if this is a person with whom you feel there’s serious potential—and they call the burgeoning relationship off, whether because they no longer trust you or they’re simply irreparably angry—you may feel the entire dating endeavor has been for nothing.
Maclynn is a boutique, multi-award-winning introductions agency with offices in New York, New Jersey, California, and London. We’re world-renowned for bringing together highly compatible singles within our vast network of attractive, intelligent professionals, and our matchmakers are relationship experts in their own right. Get in touch today, and prepare for genuinely meaningful dating—just like you deserve.
