Sometimes it feels like our lives are busier than ever. Putting in that extra half-hour’s schmoozing at the office to secure a raise—squeezing in some rushed squats at the gym—before dashing to dinner with your friend (and with only a slight sweat on—well, who has time for a post-workout shower these days?).

But amid the buzz and hubbub of modern life, lots of us still find ourselves yearning for “more.” What is that? Well, turns out—it’s connection. To quote Brooks Hatlen, the world may have gone and got itself in a big damn hurry—but that doesn’t mean the fundamentals have changed all that much when it comes to living a meaningful life. We all want to forge profound and intimate connections with others, both platonic and romantic.

And here’s the thing: It is possible to do that while maintaining your über-busy, über-hectic, über-successful lifestyle—or at least to some extent, anyway. Because it’s all about sacrifice, about working out what you really want. It’s about timing, planning—and figuring out your priorities. Let’s explore the 3 changes you need to make to revamp your mindset when it comes to making time for dating.

1. Work out what’s important—then change your schedule accordingly

“Busyness” has become akin to a rite of passage for the modern professional. Maybe you feel the same way. If you aren’t busy, or don’t feel busy—or feel you don’t look busy—perhaps you experience some inexplicable drive to get busy, however that may manifest. After all, the busier you are, the more productive you become—right?

But if you take a step back and consider your life at both a day-to-day and macro level, you’ll see that busyness ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Is constantly rushing everywhere making you healthier, happier, and better off? Or is glorifying this supposed ideal of saturating every moment of your life only making you more isolated, more lonely, more atomized?

Let’s take it back to dating. Dating takes time—a lot of time. You can’t rush human connection. There’s no quick “fix,” no pill to expedite its onset, no cheat code to get to Level 10. Forming a deep and trusting relationship with another person, especially someone new with whom you have no history, means setting aside a whole lot of time. And guess what? That time will be dedicated primarily to just being in the moment. Sure, you can do all manner of fun activities with a new romantic interest—going to dinner, the movies, on a hike—but there’s no way around the fact that a major chunk of your life at this present moment will be spent solely on another person. You may even have to give other stuff up in the process. But if they’re the right person, hey—it might just be the best decision you ever make. Just take a second to think about it: Do you really need to head to the bar with your coworkers this Tuesday night (again), or should you instead take up the offer of a rendezvous with that guy from Hinge?

I’m minded to end this section with one of my favorite quotes. As Frank Sonnenberg put it, author of The Path to a Meaningful Life:

Priorities serve as a guiding star to keep you on course. Every action you take, every decision you make, will put you one step closer to—or one step farther from—your goals.

2. Reframe what dating looks like to you

In point 1 we looked at practical changes you may need to make. But this point is all about how change needs to come within, too. It may well be the case that you’ve got to challenge your own views on what constitutes dating in the first place.

It’s important to remember that a date doesn’t have to be some Hollywood-esque bonanza of fireworks and confetti. Perhaps after having considered point 1 and having reprioritized your life, you really are still extremely busy a lot of the time: You’ve founded a startup; your mom’s in the hospital; you’re moving house. Okay—so make time for smaller dates. Brunch, coffee, shopping, a walk, an exhibition. In fact, more casual dates can be the most productive: You both feel more relaxed, so your best side comes out and shines. (Note, interestingly, that all these suggestions are daytime dates. There’s something so much more intense about a post-sunset meetup, which is exciting of course, but can also bring with it more pressure to “perform.”) You could even plan one of these dates around something you were doing anyway: ‘I have some errands to run downtown, but how about we check out that new coffee shop on the corner of 6th?’

3. Set your own rules—expectations be damned

Your Facebook’s inundated with cousins getting married, jetting off on honeymoons, having babies. Your Instagram’s dominated by friends coupling up, cozying up, getting loved up. It doesn’t matter. That’s their life, and this is yours. They’re figuring out their path, and you’re figuring out yours. If you’re single and don’t like that fact, well hey—aren’t you doing something about that right this moment in reading this blog? By thinking about making a change, you’re already taking the first step toward doing so.

And sure, you might regularly face awkward questions about your singledom at family dinners or boozy get-togethers with friends—but don’t let them affect you. We’re all just trying to navigate this life, and every one of us has unique circumstances and challenges which the vast majority of those around us haven’t the first clue about. Maybe you’ve been desperately seeking that promotion, or plowing every waking moment into your new business which you’re sure is going to make waves in the industry. Okay, so—those have been your priorities. And now it’s time to make new ones, if that’s what you want to do. Not because someone’s told you should date, or that you need to date—but because you want to date, and you’ve decided now is the right time. That’s exciting! So channel that excitement, forget what anyone else says, and get out there!

Maclynn International is a boutique, multi-award-winning introductions agency with offices in New York, New Jersey, California, and London. We’re world-renowned for bringing together highly compatible singles within our vast network of attractive, intelligent professionals, and our matchmakers are relationship experts in their own right. Get in touch today!