Is Dating Someone Who’s Never Been Married a Dealbreaker?

01 Feb

Singles often tell me that it’s a dealbreaker if someone of a certain age has never been married. It’s widely believed that this signals a lack of commitment or desire to be in a relationship.

Young couple having relationship difficulties around a dealbreaker in their relationship.

Dealbreakers. We all have them. Whether it be smoking, religious beliefs, political affiliations- everyone has something that is an absolute non-starter when it comes to dating. As a matchmaker, I have heard almost every dealbreaker in the book. One, however, I don’t necessarily agree with. Singles often tell me that it’s a dealbreaker if someone of a certain age has never been married. It’s widely believed that this signals a lack of commitment or desire to be in a relationship. While this may be true in some instances- it’s not the end all be all. I invite you to consider a few things before completely writing someone off for having never been married.

Lack of commitment?

Many people believe that unmarried singles past a certain age are “commitment phobes.” That the reason they’ve never been married is because they don’t have the interest or ability to be in a loving, monogamous relationship. My response to that? Past marriages and the willingness and desire to commit are not synonymous. Just because someone’s never been married, doesn’t mean they are averse to commitment and just because someone has been married, doesn’t mean they are inherently committed or ready for a long-term relationship. Do ponder this before finalizing this dealbreaker.

Some people get married just for the sake of getting married. Either they’ve been with their partner for a certain length of time and think it’s what they’re supposed to do– or because they want a wedding more than an actual marriage. It’s important to remember that not all marriages are happy ones. Some involve resentment, constant fighting, or even infidelity. Many of these marriages end in divorce. In my opinion, you shouldn’t be concerned if someone has yet to walk down the aisle if all other signs are pointing to their potential of wanting a monogamous relationship. I have met plenty of people that have been in long-lasting and loving relationships but have never been married- it doesn’t mean they don’t want to get married; it just hasn’t happened yet.

Why hasn’t it happened yet?

A paradox I often face as a matchmaker is, clients’ desire to meet someone successful, career-oriented, ambitious, independent, and financially stable, going hand in hand with their unwillingness to meet someone that has never been married. The irony of this, is that the most important values in which they’re seeking in a match, may be the underlying cause of this person never having been married. Think about it- isn’t it possible that someone who’s achieved a certain level of accolade in their profession has never been married simply because they were focusing on building their career?

Maybe they wanted to be able to put their heart and soul into a marriage but knew it wasn’t possible with their career goals taking up all their time. Perhaps now that they have reached a certain level in their professional life, they are ready to settle down and tie the knot. By making the choice to steer clear of anyone that’s never tied the knot, might mean eliminating several potential partners with similar core values to your own. Shared values equal long-term compatibility.

Marriage is a huge decision and there are several valid reasons as to why someone is still unmarried. Either they were focusing on their career or just haven’t met the right person to settle down with. The decision to wait to get married until you’ve met the right person rather than just getting married to follow suit, is something that should be understood rather than avoided in the search for love. The next time you have the potential to date someone exceptional, don’t let their marital status hold you back – I urge you to rethink this dealbreaker. Seriously, what have you got to lose?

 

Need more advice on dealbreakers or relationships in general? My dedicated team and I are here to help you navigate all the trials and tribulations that come along with love! At Maclynn International, we offer more than bespoke matchmaking services. With a variety of resources available for the inquisitive single who wants to learn how to date better, we’re happy to assist our clients in their search for love any way we can. Get in touch with a member of our team today!

by Rachel Vida MacLynn

Founder & CEO

Rachel Vida Maclynn is reputed as being a world-leading matchmaking and dating expert. Registered as a Chartered Psychologist with the British Psychological Society, Rachel advocates a professional matchmaking approach based on psychological principles and professional consultation.More by this author

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