How Can We Keep The Spark Alive?

24 Dec

Holding hands, frequent hugs, regular compliments . . . These aspects of relationships may wane as we become more established and ‘normal life’ takes over. Perhaps all it takes is a few acts of kindness and consideration for the needs of both you and your partner to keep the spark alive.

couple walking around in New York City

Keeping the romantic spark alive

We’ve all heard of the ‘honeymoon period’, right? That cosy time when you’re enjoying getting to know your new partner, intrigued to discover their quirks and foibles, making an effort to present your best self .

But is that time of heightened emotions and flirtatious exchanges limited only to the first throes of love? Is it an inevitable fact that amorous play will diminish as time together increases?

As a matchmaker, I have seen that with a little effort and awareness, it is entirely possible to avoid relegating relationships to the ‘friend zone’, and stave off going through the mere motions of mating. Instead, all it takes is a few acts of kindness, consideration for the needs of both you and your partner and a willingness to invest in your relationship to keep the spark alive.

Keep up the communication

Remember the actions you took when first together? Holding hands, frequent hugs, regular compliments . . . These aspects of relationships may wane as we become more established and ‘normal life’ takes over.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Yes, that all-encompassing first lust may well level out, but that doesn’t mean the physical communication should. As a matchmaker, I get asked how to keep the spark alive all the time, and it can be very simple. An unexpected hug, sultry kiss on the neck, or other such tactile reminders go a long way to making a partner feel valued and can breathe life into the relationship.

Alongside physical communication, we can also be spontaneous using technology. A 2004 review reports the value of maintaining a presence in your partner’s life, even when separated through work or travel. This is vital to continue healthy communication, reminding your partner why you love them and enabling you to express and receive affection even in absence. A flirty message can keep the spark alive as it builds anticipation and excitement, preparing your partner to jump on you as soon as you’re reunited!

Pillow talk

Aside from flirtatious communication, try to remember the value of deep expression. Rather than exchanging pleasantries, recall the pillow talk you may have shared when first together. Keep the intimacy alive by continuing to share goals, fears and motivations, and openly converse about your emotions. Make your partner feel special by remembering what their deepest desires are and maintaining a genuine interest in his or her needs.

Furthermore, taking time to give a genuine compliment and focus on your partner’s behavior from a position of positivity and gratitude, can go a long way to making your partner feel valued and loved.

Embrace new activities

Sharing common activities is paramount to maintaining a sizzling bond. Keep in mind the things you did when first dating – revisit those memories and places together, make time to schedule dates, clearing time in your calendar with the same tenacity as you would for other areas of your life.

As well as revisiting the dates you first enjoyed, a recent study has explored the benefits of embarking on shared activities with your partner, with a specific value found in novel activities that neither has experienced before. In creating new memories together, research shows you’ll come to associate the excitement of fresh experiences with your relationship. Sounds like a sure-fire way to keep things thrilling!

Be your own person

Trying new activities together will create that sense of a team, but it’s also vital to preserve a sense of self in your union.

Think of your relationship as a partnership, each person with their own objectives working side by side, cheering one another on from the sidelines, celebrating progress, discussing ambition, helping to allay fears . . . There is value in giving one another space to pursue personal achievements, and you can then also meet up to collaborate. In other words, we are our own people, sharing a life. “Relationships in which partners encourage each other to be the best versions of themselves tend to be happier and more enduring (Drigotas et al., 1999).”

Furthermore, in taking time to explore your own interests, you’ll avoid becoming too claustrophobic. Afterall, ‘absence makes the heart grow stronger’.

At Maclynn International, we understand the importance of creating a relationship that stands the test of time, and we can help make that relationship a reality for you. Contact us today, and we’ll team you up with one of our experienced matchmakers who will get you started on the path to love.

by Gina Yannotta

Chief Operating Officer, New York City.

Gina Yannotta is Head Matchmaker & Chief Operating Officer at Maclynn International's New York office. Gina’s unyielding passion for the field, in combination with her extensive experience in matchmaking, has allowed her to orchestrate successful and everlasting relationships amongst her clients. Tasked with running the Manhattan office, Gina utilizes her interpersonal skills and relationship expertise to make a splash in the matchmaking pool, personally connecting her clients with their ultimate match while simultaneously taking advantage of the endless possibilities that NYC offers to its client-base.More by this author