Do Men Lose their Identities in a Relationship?

16 Jul

Women seem to have no issue maintaining their relationships with their friends when they start a new relationship. Men, however, seem to be flung into an identity crisis.

Happy male friends having coffee at yard maintaining friend relationship

The honeymoon period of a new relationship is always exciting. You and your partner would love to spend every minute together, to the point where you’re not sure where one date ends and another begins.

As your relationship continues to thrive and grow, your lives will start to adapt to reality and bring your love back down to earth. We are all aware of the lovebirds that disconnect from their usual social life to spend all of their time together, but this doesn’t last forever. Women seem to have no issue maintaining their relationships with their friends despite their new romance. Men, however, seem to be flung into an identity crisis.

Men tend to gain the reputation of having their new relationships as a definition of their own identity. Might this be the reason that men are so afraid of commitment?

According to psychology, women are typically more inclined to be social mediators. When in a long-term relationship, men have an emotional bond with their partner that they are able to depend upon for support and to talk about their feelings. In a heterosexual relationship, women are often exposed to the vulnerable side of their boyfriend or husband that is usually hidden from their friends.  Women, however, often have this emotional relationship with their friends and do not feel so dependent on their partner for emotional venting.

Men typically feel less in need of their friends for emotional support, which can lead to resentment among their male peers. Without their friends, some men feel like they’ve lost a bit of who they are. So how can you re-identify yourself and revitalize your friendships?

Reconnect with your friends

You are likely to have built up strong friendships over the years, with people who know the real you, so it’s important to spend time with these friends to remind yourself of who you are. This could be watching a game together, going for a beer, or sitting down to play Xbox – even the simple activities will take you back to the good old times.

Find something that goes beyond your career and your relationship

Take up an old hobby or re-ignite your love for an interest. It’s important to keep your brain active to make you a better, more interesting, and intriguing person. This could be learning a new skill, volunteering, or exercising your brain by starting an online course.

Develop your self

We aren’t concrete. Our personalities naturally evolve over time. It’s necessary to take some time to work on yourself. Start meditation, read a self-help book, or go to therapy, and try to discover yourself from within.

Having a strong sense of identity will keep your relationship healthy, happy, and stable. That being said, losing your sense of self can make you feel low and lost, so be conscious of maintaining your independence and setting personal goals. By understanding who you are, where you want to be, and what your values are, you can be the best partner and best friend to those close to you.

If you’re a single man and in need of a little guidance when it comes to love and friendship, Maclynn International can help. Our in-house relationship psychologist Madeleine Mason Roantree offers relationship and coaching to help you overcome your barriers. Get in touch with Maclynn International today and let us reinvigorate your relationship and equip you with the communication skills you need to get the most out of love.

by Gina Yannotta

Chief Operating Officer, New York City.

Gina Yannotta is Head Matchmaker & Chief Operating Officer at Maclynn International's New York office. Gina’s unyielding passion for the field, in combination with her extensive experience in matchmaking, has allowed her to orchestrate successful and everlasting relationships amongst her clients. Tasked with running the Manhattan office, Gina utilizes her interpersonal skills and relationship expertise to make a splash in the matchmaking pool, personally connecting her clients with their ultimate match while simultaneously taking advantage of the endless possibilities that NYC offers to its client-base.More by this author