Be Proactive!

10 Dec

Are you someone who always waits to hear first how your date feels about you? My advice, is don't sit back and wait for your date to start singing your praises - be proactive!

Young woman drinking coffee and communicating with her smiling boyfriend in a cafe.

Being proactive and dating in the same sentence is daunting. I get that it is completely normal to get butterflies in your stomach before a first date. Feelings of apprehension and doubt can be a running theme during a date. You may start wondering: ‘Do they like me?  Am I giving off the right impression? Are they bored? They seem a bit bored. I’m not sure I like them. I wonder what they’ll be like on a second date… Do I even want a second date?  Are we connecting romantically?’

This internal line of questioning often revolves around the other person, what they might think or what they need to do for you to ‘accept’ them. Not so common, but a lot more powerful, is to focus that internal dialogue on what you can do instead to make yourself more desirable and more appealing. When my clients tell me about their dates and their uncertainties on having a second one, I ask, what impression did you make? Was it a lasting one? A positive one? What did you do to make them aware of your feelings? Often they are surprised to even hear this line of questioning!

They often respond with things like:

I got my hair done. I wore a new shirt. I was polite. I smiled.

These are all valid answers, however, unless you tell the person about the effort you made – it’s all in vain. Basic manners are expected on a date and smiling, one would hope, is a given.

In short, we love being around those who make us feel good. Knowing this is great, putting it into action on a date is even better. Don’t sit back and wait for your date to start singing your praises or letting you know how they feel before you do. Take action, be proactive and make your date feel good by telling them how you feel about them. Let them know you are attracted to them, tell them you are interested in them – this is even more impactful, especially if you are not the type of person who is forthcoming with your feelings. It is best to speak up or you may not get a second chance or date!  Be assertive and proactive thus making a good first impression and they will be checking on your next availability before the cheque arrives!

Give them positive feedback to let them know exactly what you liked about them and about the date. “I really enjoyed spending time with you”,  “I’d like to get to know you better”, “I enjoyed being in your company”, “You really made me smile this evening”. If you don’t let them know how you’re feeling, then how can you expect they will do the same?

Still confused about how your date is going? Check out another blog post here about how to know your date is a success!

If you still have questions or concerns about making a good impression while dating, why not be proactive and contact us today? Our relationship experts and in-house psychologist are here for all your dating and relationship needs.

by Gina Yannotta

Chief Operating Officer, New York City.

Gina Yannotta is Head Matchmaker & Chief Operating Officer at Maclynn International's New York office. Gina’s unyielding passion for the field, in combination with her extensive experience in matchmaking, has allowed her to orchestrate successful and everlasting relationships amongst her clients. Tasked with running the Manhattan office, Gina utilizes her interpersonal skills and relationship expertise to make a splash in the matchmaking pool, personally connecting her clients with their ultimate match while simultaneously taking advantage of the endless possibilities that NYC offers to its client-base.More by this author