Whatever you think of the dating culture right now, that’s just the way it is. That means you’ve gotta be on your best behavior when it comes to getting to know someone new, especially during the first date.
And if you’re struggling to land that all-important second date, here are 9 of the most common potential reasons why—gathered from my conversations with hundreds of clients over the years!
1. The conversation was a little lukewarm
Do you tend to be a bit stiff, overly polite, safe in the topics you talk about? That’s all well and good, but it’s not going to get your date’s heart racing with intrigue and anticipation. To some extent, dating is about taking risks. In this case, that means showing the smart, inquisitive, and even sassy sides of your personality. Be enthusiastic and passionate. If nothing else, by being authentic in how you speak and what you speak about, you can quickly show your date what makes you unique, and hopefully leave them wanting more.
2. You got drunk
As matchmakers, we generally recommend no more than two drinks on a first date. Why? Because you can only make a first impression once. If you get drunk, you cloud your judgment. You might try to move too fast, or say too much too soon and scare your date off.
3. You talked about your ex
Unless you have kids or there’s a legit reason you need to raise the topic of your ex on the first date, this is simply a no-go area of conversation. For now, the past should be left firmly in the past.
4. You texted too much beforehand
As a matchmaker I recommend meeting up sooner rather than later. It’s tempting to text for days, even weeks before that pivotal first date—but when you finally get there, you may find you’ve run out of things to say. Or worse, you may have built your date up into an idealized version of themselves, and find yourself disappointed with the reality.
5. You overshared
Some of us just can’t stop chatting when we’re nervous. Our friends might find it endearing, but a relative stranger isn’t emotionally invested yet, and may find it overwhelming, even annoying. If in doubt, try asking questions to encourage your date to speak more, and remember to practice active listening.
6. You were late
Keeping your date waiting the first time you meet is a red flag, plain and simple. It suggests you’re not serious about dating and don’t respect their time, even if neither of these implications is true. If you are going to be late, let them know as early as possible, and make clear how excited you still are for your date.
7. You just weren’t right for each other
It may be that you really did nothing wrong! Perhaps the chemistry just wasn’t there—that’s something it’s so hard to gage when you meet online. Don’t take it personally, and don’t beat yourself up about it. It wasn’t meant to be—and that’s great! Because it’s still a valuable lesson in what you don’t want—and you can be even more discerning next time.
Maclynn is a boutique, multi-award-winning introductions agency with offices in New York, New Jersey, California, and London. We’re world-renowned for bringing together highly compatible singles within our vast network of attractive, intelligent professionals, and our matchmakers are relationship experts in their own right. Get in touch today, and prepare for genuinely meaningful dating—just like you deserve.
