As a matchmaker, many of my clients are new singles whose previous relationships stretched back to before the days of online dating.
As first-time online daters, they often ask me for tips on staying safe, and how to find that tricky balance between putting themselves out there and maintaining their privacy.
So today I’ve put together 5 great ways to approach online dating both safely and confidently, so you can use the apps with peace of mind, only meet good and trustworthy singles, and keep the creeps and scammers well away.
1. Don’t sign up with your social media account
You can sign up to most dating apps using a social media account. This is tempting because with the tap of a button you can skip the signup process. But the flipside of that convenience is that you’re acquiescing personal information to the app, enabling the company to build a profile on you.
Also, if your social media account is compromised in the future, any apps to which you’ve signed up using that account will be compromised as well. So I always recommend signing up manually—yes, even if it means taking two minutes to complete the signup process!
2. Minimize the identifiable details in your profile
Dating is all about being authentic, so of course we want to emulate online. But online dating is fundamentally different to any other context, because now strangers can learn a huge amount about you and interact with you, or at least attempt to.
Many dating apps ask you a string of personal questions beyond the basics of name, age, and sometimes height. They do this to better pair up singles of similar interests or demographics. For example, it might ask for your education status, religious and political views, even your workplace. However, there’s usually an option to skip these questions, and it’s probably best to do so, especially if you’re new to online dating, as you might not be wise to the nuances of maintaining your privacy. You can always bring these topics up later when you’ve formed a connection with someone, preferably in person.
3. Consider using an alias
To be clear, I am not saying to invent an identity! I am suggesting that, depending on your level of privacy consciousness, you may be more comfortable using a nickname or even just an initial. No matter how common your first name, there’s no telling how easy it might be for someone to find you online if they really wanted to.
You can even be transparent in your bio about your choice: “By the way, I’m not actually Sophie, I’m just quite a private person so I’d rather we got to know each a little before I tell you my real name.” As long as the rest of your profile is articulate and clearly legit, no one worth your time will have any problem with your preference to stay incognito until you’ve established trust.
4. Don’t link your profile to your social media accounts
Just like during signup, once you’re on the app there’s usually an option to connect it to your social media accounts. The rationale behind this feature is that it shows potential matches you’re a real person, and gives more information about you that you can’t necessarily fit into your bio. For example, by linking your Instagram to your Tinder profile, people will be able to scroll through your most recent Instagram photos.
I recommend avoiding this feature though, at least for the time being if you’re new to online dating. It’s easy to give away more personal details than you realize: the places you go, your daily routine, the identities of your loved ones. Plus, the more accounts you link together, the more vulnerable you are to identity theft.
5. Keep the conversation on the app until you’re ready
When you’ve matched with someone cute who seems sweet and trustworthy, your instinct may be to swap numbers so you can communicate on your usual chat apps. But you’re totally within your rights to ask to stay on the app for now, even up until or after the first date. If they’re right for you, they’ll respect your cautiousness. In fact, it may leave them curious and intrigued.
6. Restrict the app’s location permissions
Most dating apps don’t let you turn off all location sharing, because their design hinges on being able to show you singles in your neighborhood. But you can probably set the app’s permission so it only knows your location “while using the app.” This is just another small but effective way to keep yourself safe and private, and not give out more personal information than you need to.
7. Avoid photos that give away your identity
When picking out photos for your dating profile, avoid those that could give away identifiable information about you, like those containing:
- the faces of your friends and family—it’s a small world, and the person looking at your profile could know one of them, especially if your loved ones are local
- your regular hangout spots—again, depending on how wide a search radius you’ve set on the app, the person who’s coming across your profile may know the venue
- details about your workplace, either in the form of showing the kind of establishment it is in the background, or even your uniform bearing the company name or logo.
It’s also a great idea to have some photos you only use for online dating. For instance, if your main photo is the same as your LinkedIn headshot or Facebook picture, someone could find you online and confirm your identity.
Understand your own boundaries—then get out there!
Dating apps are ubiquitous for singles—they’ve become the default way to get a date. And like any other context in which you’re meeting strangers, most of the time you’ll be safe and fine. But of course it’s still wise to take precautions—and that applies even before you’ve matched or met up with anyone.
Stick to what you’re comfortable with. Anyone worth your time should respect the level of privacy you wish to maintain. There’s no need give away too much too soon. And if someone is pressuring you to do so, they either have an ulterior motive or just aren’t right for you. Be safe, smart, and savvy, and you set yourself up for a fun and fulfilling experience dating online!
Maclynn is a boutique, multi-award-winning introductions agency with offices in New York, New Jersey, California, and London. We’re world-renowned for bringing together highly compatible singles within our vast network of attractive, intelligent professionals, and our matchmakers are relationship experts in their own right. Get in touch today, and prepare for genuinely meaningful dating—just like you deserve.
