However, other times we are left dumbfounded, trying to search for clues and commonly, placing blame on either ourselves or the other.

Regardless of whether or not you had already reflected on your relationship shortcomings and perhaps even successes, it’s important to take responsibility for your role and perhaps repeated patterns outside of your awareness. If we reflect on all of our past relationships, we may begin to notice that we repeat the same behaviors continuously with new partners in our lives. We do this through who we choose to be in a relationship with, how we interact with them, and how we let them treat us.

Relationship patterns can aid us and harm us. How do we stop the negative cycle? Is it beyond our control? Continue reading below to better understand how to recognize relationship patterns and how to short circuit the cycle.

There is a cycle but you can stop it

Realizing that you have indeed been stuck in a cycle can be jarring. It can feel as though you’ve been trapped in an episode of the Twilight Zone and just now your self-awareness is breaking you out of the time loop. Fortunately, the moment that you acknowledge that patterns have been occurring and you have been at the center of them, you have now gained the power to awaken from your hypnosis. Once you equip yourself with the knowledge to understand your patterns and desires, where they come from, and the role you have played in your relationships, along with your partner’s patterns and desires, you’re in control of your relationship fate.

Recognize your relationship archetype

Though at first you may find it challenging, begin to reflect on the patterns that have replayed in your relationships. Recognizing your relationship archetype can make this process a bit easier. There are 5 relationship archetypes: The Caregiver, The Alpha, The Parent, The Codependent, and the Push-Pull. In the Caregiver pattern, we are always trying to fix, care for and try to improve the person we are with regardless if they want the help. The Alpha pattern shows through always wanting to be in control of the relationship and dictating the rules and habits of the relationship. The Parent pattern is when you find yourself entering into a parent-child relationship and you are parenting your partner. The Codependent pattern involves becoming such a tight unit that individuality is sacrificed. The Push-Pull pattern is characterized by volatile relationships that have constant ups and downs. Which pattern is yours? Can you recognize which has been the most common for you?

Where our patterns come from

The structure and pattern of our adult relationships tend to stem from our earliest bonds with our caregivers. The way that our parents and/or caregivers bonded and developed emotional connections with us, affects how we do the same with friends and particularly romantic partners. As you’ve probably heard before, we tend to repeat what is familiar to us and those early patterns create such a strong foundation for us to continuously draw from when we need references and comparison points to build new connections. Attachment style, core beliefs, coping skills, and behavior patterns are all learned during childhood and they permeate our relationship dynamics later in life as we attempt to gain mastery over them.

There are no easy fixes, but you can gain mastery of yourself

The greatest tool to taking control of your relationship success is to gain a better self-awareness and knowledge regarding your emotional and physical needs as well as those of your partner. We are not doomed to repeat the same patterns for eternity – we can pick up on initial signals of these patterns through our awareness. We can have open and honest communication with our partners so that they are aware of how your patterns and theirs affect each other and you can stop the cycle together. Through acknowledgment, recognition, and integration of self-knowledge you can garner an advanced intimacy in your relationships.

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