How to Identify Green Flags in a Relationship

23 Mar

When starting a new relationship, we often find ourselves looking for the red flags but what if I advised you to look out for the green flags. Read on to find out more.

Shot of an affectionate mature couple spending some quality time together

Green flags are not as commonly talked about in regards to relationships, as red flags are. When starting a new relationship, we often find ourselves looking for the red flags that let us know that a relationship may not be right for us.  However, being able to identify the green flags, which indicate a relationship is healthy and things are going well, is just as important. Here are some green flags to look for when you’re in the early phases of dating:

  1. Communication between the two of you is balanced, not one sided. A conversation should be a back and forth. Similar to a game of catch, there should be a relatively equal distribution of speaking and listening between both of you.
  2. Even if you haven’t heard from them recently you don’t immediately start panicking and fear that you’ve blown it. You feel secure that there is a legitimate reason for their absence.
  3. Hanging out together feels effortless, comfortable, fun and exciting! You look forward to seeing them and feel open and energized when you’re around them. If you notice you feel exhausted when you’re with them or if you find yourself racking your brain for topics to talk about that’s a good sign that something is off.
  4. You feel like you can be yourself around them. Like you don’t have to put on a performance or act in a way that’s not authentic to your true self. You feel that you can speak your mind without fear of judgement or ridicule. It is important to start with a genuine understanding of each other or else you’ll be building your relationship on falsehoods and that never ends well.
  5. You find yourself laughing and smiling a lot. You enjoy being around them. It’s really that simple. Do your friends notice that you’re in a better mood than usual? This is a clear indication of a green flag.
  6. Covid has complicated this a little, but in general, you are making plans to hang out. You both display a genuine desire to see each other when possible. And when not possible, you’re making the time to connect virtually, whether it’s over the phone or video chat.
  7. You feel respected. Boundaries are very important in any new relationship. You’re still getting to know each other and your boundaries will indicate to your partner what you’re comfortable with. Feeling respected in this process is vital. Which means they’re not rushing you into anything you’re not ready for, physically or emotionally. You also feel like what you are communicating is getting through. Regardless if they agree with you or not, they are taking the time to listen and understand your perspective.
  8. You’re willing to make occasional sacrifices. Sacrifice is a part of commitment. Like it or not, you have to be willing to give up certain things when getting into a committed relationship. However, you don’t have to give up everything and you shouldn’t expect them to either. Independence is essential in any relationship. It’s about finding balance and a willingness to compromise.

So next time you find yourself dating someone new and instinctively start to hunt for red flags, try to catch yourself and take notice of the green flags as well. That balanced perspective may be just what you need to allow yourself to move forward.

Contact us to find out how we can help you navigate the early stages in your relationship and help you identify all the color flags!

by Alex Warren


Alex is a born and raised New Yorker with a passion for helping people achieve their dreams. After completing his Bachelors in Psychology, he conducted social research for the University of Kentucky. He went on to earn his Masters in Mental Health Counseling and has previously worked as a psychotherapist and relationship coach in Manhattan. Alex joins us as a Matchmaker where his extensive background and training in psychology and relational dynamics, enables him to provide his clients with deep insight into the keys to dating success in our California office.More by this author

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