The term “ghosted” is one that we are probably all familiar with in this day in age and even likely have experienced it first-hand. Ghosting is the digital phenomenon of a person completely disengaging from any attempt of communication without an explanation, as if they vanished in thin air. Rest assured; you are not alone. Whether it is straight up disappearing or the slow fade “Caspering” method, whereby they may reply to your messages to be ‘polite’, but take ages to respond and have no real intention of seeing you again, it sucks. According to a study from the Journal of Personal Relationships, more than 30% of modern daters would say they have been ghosted or have done the deed themselves. Furthermore, it is the unexpectedness that makes it hurt the most because it can happen at any stage of the relationship – right off the bat, in the middle of a blooming beginning or during a committed one.
But why do individuals’ ghost? “Relationship experts and psychologists agree that people who ghost are avoiding an uncomfortable situation. This evasion, while perceived as a lack of regard, is often because they feel it’s the best way to handle their own distress or inability to clearly communicate” (Susman, 2021). This act has become a normalized trend today, forming an epidemic of individuals who see it as a fair justification to end a relationship. With that, it is important to remind yourself that it is the weaknesses of the ‘ghoster’ and not you. This level of self-clarity can be easier said than done, so at Maclynn International we want to share with you our advice on coping with being ghosted.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
After all the time and energy in getting to know someone, to end up ghosted, creates negative emotions such as, confusion, anger, frustration, or disappointment. Another particularly unpleasant one can be shame – the most intoxicating emotion of them all. It can take us back to traumatic memories in our past that may trigger similar moments of rejection. Be conscious of this state as the shame is not on you, especially when it is a situation out of your control. Overall, acknowledge these feelings and let them simmer, as they are completely valid and understandable.
It is easy to interpret what went “wrong” as your own failing. When in fact it’s the ghoster’s lack of courage, accountability and maturity to address the situation that’s faulty. Look at it this way – acknowledging that through a ghosting experience you are unlikely to ever receive an explanation for the doing, so why blame yourself?
Kick back the urge to ask for answers or apologies. Be wary of ghosters that come back for an occasional haunting – leave ‘em in the grave! While it may feel personal at first, isn’t it great knowing that they aren’t the one? We may suggest taking some down time for self-care to avoid dating fatigue. Through focusing on yourself, your resilience and values pertaining to dating will only strengthen. Whichever direction you take, empower yourself to use those ghastly moments as learning lessons and carry-on dating – please remember, getting ghosted is not a reflection of you.
If you feel like you want more control over your dating life and goals, working with a matchmaker can help you reach your dream relationship! Let our dating experts at Maclynn International take it into our hands to assure you that you are seen and heard. Get in touch today to as our team of professionals are ready to guide you towards your match!