In fact, the more you reflect on the date and their behavior surrounding it—could there even be some manipulation going on?

In the early stages of dating, the attention, grand gestures, and intense declarations are undeniably intoxicating and rightly so, to some extent. But distinguishing enthusiasm from love bombing can be tough, even for the most discerning of daters.

What is love bombing?

Love bombing is an overwhelming display of affection and flattery, done with the hidden intent of forging a rapid, intense bond. The intent may be hidden even to the love bomber themselves—they truly might not realize what they’re doing.

Either way, the love bomber’s “intention” (conscious or otherwise) is to gain control and influence over their romantic interest. This is entirely different from the normal level of excitement around in those heady days of dates #1 and #2, the ample attention lavished upon your romantic interest from dates #3 to #5. Love bombing takes the passion to an extreme. ‘It’s too much too soon.’

  • Excessive compliments: You’re constantly told you’re perfect, incredible, unlike anyone they’ve ever met. That may be true but if it feels like there’s simply nothing you could ever do wrong in their eyes, these declarations may ring hollow and untrue.
  • Overwhelming communication: Constant texts, calls, social media engagement, all in turn creating an expectation of immediate responses.
  • Grandiosity: Expensive gifts, surprise trips, intense PDAs. It all feels disproportionate to how long you’ve actually been together.
  • Mirroring: You’ve noticed they’ve quickly adopted your interests, values, dreams. It’s a bit unnerving, to be honest.
  • Rapid planning for the future: There’s talk of soulmates, moving in together, even marriage… all within the first days or weeks. The drastically accelerated timeline feels like a dream and uncanny, like it’s almost real but surely can’t be. Unfortunately, that’s because it’s not. Healthy relationships develop over time, with both partners giving space for mutual trust and understanding to deepen organically, at a pace that suits them.

Love bombing is insidious because it taps into the universal desire for affection and belonging. Who doesn’t want to be adored?

‘I’ve worked with a lot of clients who in the past had been swept off their feet so fast they didn’t realize they’d given up control. It was only later they saw that the “instant connection” they’d felt hadn’t been centered around shared values, but had actually been them getting hooked on the drug of constant intense validation. But all along it had been performative.’

Attraction and dopamine

Intense praise, especially from a new love interest, activates the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and motivation. The surge produces a sense of euphoria and urgency. You feel intensely good and quickly develop a positive association with the person whose attention is delivering to you this feeling.

The problem is, the high overrides rationality and self-awareness. It becomes incredibly difficult to tell whether the connection is grounded in real alignment and emotional intimacy, or just a facade masking manipulation and a chemical rush. And the fact our brain’s reward system plays a crucial role in early romantic attachment makes some individuals especially susceptible to intense positive stimuli. The love bomber’s rapid delivery of this reward bypasses the usual emotional safeguards, leaving you vulnerable to flattery and apparent devotion. You can think of it as your brain being “trained” to send you on the hunt for this very specific, very intense “hit.”

Narcissistic dynamics: the undercurrent of manipulation

Love bombing is common among narcissists and emotionally manipulative individuals. For them, it’s not an expression of genuine affection; it’s a calculated strategy for gaining control fast and disarming their target. The goal is to foster a sense of dependency and obligation, making you feel so indebted or emotionally intertwined that you overlook their escalating demands and controlling behaviors down the line.

Ultimately, the love bomber’s aim is to establish something akin to actual worship of them by you, whereby you view them as perfect, like you couldn’t live without them. And this so often works simply because it’s hard to reconcile the “perfect” person from the love-bombing phase with the emotionally abusive person they become once they’ve got a grip on your life. This leads to cognitive dissonance, a state of discomfort when your beliefs and experiences fundamentally misalign. The mental gymnastics required to navigate cognitive dissonance are exhausting, often leading to the afflicted individual simply withdrawing into themselves, resigned to perennial hurt and confusion.

Victims of love bombing sometimes cling desperately to the initial idealization stage, even when the dynamic turns cold or ominous. Their brains are wired to seek that initial high, producing a trauma response as they continue pursuing the “good” version of the love bomber who never really existed in the first place.

Has your judgment been clouded?

  • Mistaking speed for depth: True emotional intimacy takes time to cultivate, through shared experiences, vulnerability, and consistent reliability.
  • Believing that intensity is always romantic: Grand gestures can be sweet, but a constant, overwhelming onslaught may indicate a lack of respect for your boundaries, or even manipulative intent.
  • Overriding gut instincts because the intention feels good: If it’s “too good to be true,” it probably is. Your intuition is speaking to you. Listen—no matter how intoxicating the attention.
  • Feeling flattered rather than discerning when you’re “chosen” fast: It’s normal to feel great when someone is intensely interested in getting to know you. But strive to maintain a healthy perspective: “Do I even know this person well enough to have been “chosen” in this way?”

Cultural impact: the “performance” of love

Saturated by the influence of social media and reality TV, modern dating often glamorizes intense, rapidfire romance: Think viral proposals, posts about “couple goals,” dating shows where people “fall in love” in a matter of weeks. This cultural narrative sows the seed for love bombing by blurring the line between healthy courtship and performative, manipulative displays.

In an age of instant gratification, the idea of the “slow burn” may feel underwhelming, even like a throwback to a bygone era, compared to the fireworks we see online, on TV, at the movies. This leads to some daters actively seeking out or falling for the very intensity that defines love bombing because they equate dramatic highs with true passion. They feel pressured to present to the world an effortless yet exciting relationship, void of any flaws whatsoever, with a view to maintaining an idealized image, and not just for their social milieu, for the couple themselves to cling onto when things start falling apart.

How your matchmaker can help

The ubiquity of love bombing on today’s dating scene highlights the immense value of a guided approach to finding real love.

Working with an expert matchmaker, you learn to:

  • identify red flags: Get a neutral, objective perspective on your potential match’s behavior.
  • slow the pace: Develop a thoughtful, grounded approach to finding connections.
  • focus on substance: Work toward true compatibility based on values, communication, and emotional consistency, not superficial charm.
  • rebuild self-trust: Learn to really listen to your intuition, and prioritize your emotional wellbeing, understanding that only when you are truly content in yourself can you offer a lasting and worthwhile love to someone else.

‘It’s easy to get lost in the dopamine rush. That’s why my role as a matchmaker is to help clients distinguish intoxicating intensity from true, sustainable compatibility. We encourage taking things at a healthy pace, opening up gradually, and focusing on consistent behaviors and shared values over grand gestures and big declarations.’

Reclaim your love story

Real, healthy love is built on respect, consistency, and mutual understanding—as well as an intimacy that’s gradual and organic, not rushed and artificial. Love thrives on clear communication and authenticity, not performance and “going through the motions” of what your date thinks love should look like.

Modern dating is tough—as matchmakers, we get that more than most. And we empathize: The line demarcating passionate interest from love bombing is now more thin than ever.

The allure of instant, intense connection can be all-consuming—so understanding the psychological and neurological mechanisms underpinning it is paramount to maintaining a healthy, happy dating life. And if you’re struggling, hey—you don’t need to do this alone.

Maclynn’s expert team will help you prioritize genuine, unhurried connection, protecting your heart and liberating you from false, fleeting intensity. Our clientele are thoughtful, successful, emotionally available singles ready to nurture something genuine and lasting, built on trust and unparalleled compatibility.

Get in touch today, and together let’s guide you toward a relationship that’s real.