Many situationships begin as relationships with potential for long-term commitment, but for whatever reason stagnate. They often lead to unhappiness, resentment, and despair. That’s why today I’m listing 10 warning signs to look out for if you feel your own relationship is in fact a situationship.
1. You don’t actually go on dates
It feels like you never make time to go out together, whether for dinner, to the movies, or even just for a walk in the park. This can feel especially hurtful if your partner is still making time to hang out with their friends.
2. There’s no sense that things are moving forward
Every relationship has its milestones. Your first date, the first time you meet each other’s loved ones, your first vacation. When milestones are absent from your relationship and it seems you’re both just meandering through life together—you may well have got yourself into a situationship.
3. Plans are patchy and last-minute
Your partner doesn’t invest time and energy in getting to know you. When you do get together, it’s often spontaneous and uncertain. This might be endearing at first—but quickly you feel your partner is actually just not bothered about spending time with you.
4. You’ve never had The Conversation
Most relationships have this moment. The moment when you sit down, open up about your feelings—and define the relationship. Are you still seeing other people? Do you see this thing going places? If you’re a few months in to the relationship and there’s no sign of The Conversation on the horizon, it may be time to broach it. Otherwise you may slide unwittingly into a situationship.
5. There’s no evidence you’re even a couple
Their family has never heard of you. Their friends don’t know you exist. There are no pictures of you together. There comes a point when it’s worth taking a step back and asking why. Is it because you’re actually not that important to them?
6. You’re constantly bored or anxious
When you lack regular dates and communication but want to hear from and spend time with your partner, you feel on edge. That’s one sign you’re in a situationship. Another is when you are together but there’s no romance, no flirting, no passion. There may be sex, sure—but are you just going through the motions? If you’re having these thoughts, it’s likely you’re intuiting a lack of meaning in the relationship.
7. You can’t rely on them to be your plus one
You’d love to have a date to a wedding, a family dinner, even just a games night with your friends. What makes it more frustrating is the fact you are seeing someone—yet they’re notably absent, and for no good reason.
8. Everything’s superficial
Your dynamic seems surface-level. The conversation, the texting, even the sex. It all just feels a bit two-dimensional. There’s no passion, no longing for one another when you’re apart, no hours-long conversations deep into the small hours as you lovingly discover and uncover the minutiae of one another’s lives. Without connection, vulnerability, and emotional intimacy, nothing is going to change. And if you want more out of romance, this situationship is not for you.
9. You’re not integrated into one another’s lives
As you spend time together in a long-term committed relationship, you get to know your partner’s routine, their coworkers, their peeves. You take them to your favorite coffee shop; they take you to their favorite restaurant. Everyone around them knows who you are. Your family and friends love spending time with your partner. If this integration simply doesn’t exist in your relationship, you’re almost certainly in a situationship.
10. There’s no talk of the future
A big part of every burgeoning romance is tentative but exciting talk of plans. Plans for the short term and long term alike. It might be something small, like being their plus one at their friend’s barbecue. It might be something more momentous, like your first weekend away. Or it might be the biggest plans of all: moving in together, getting married, having kids. Future-oriented conversation is a surefire sign that you and your partner are in this thing wholeheartedly and without question. But if your relationship lacks forward thinking—or indeed if any future-oriented discussion is quickly stymied—it’s likely the person you’re with simply doesn’t envision you as part of their future. And if you want more out of love and life alike, it’s worth calling it early—before you get embroiled in a situationship.
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